I got an email from my doctor saying my progesterone showed I had ovulated and should have gotten my period, or be getting one soon or be pregnant. NOPE I am not pregnant and I have just taken my first birth control pill which means I will not be having any spontaneous miraculous pregnancies. I have over the years hoped for one and prayed for one so many times.
This made me remember 5 years ago when I was pregnant...how in the world did that even happen? My issues make it hard to conceive, my dear hubby's make them even harder, so hard that they said we can't even do regular IVF but need to do a special form of it called ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). It was like we had this amazing miracle but we didn't know it was a miracle...then it was gone so quickly never to happen again.
I am thankful for that short experience of being pregnant. I remember getting the positive test at home and telling Michael. I remember going to the doctor and getting the call at work that confirmed I was pregnant. I remember telling our parents. I remember going shopping for a vehicle with Mike's friend thinking our Neon might be too small for us one day. I remember thinking how great our dog Shadow would be with a baby. I remember going out with my friend Elana thinking about how our kids would be close in age and could grow up friends like we had. I remember thinking how cool it would be to be pregnant on Mother's Day.
We lost our baby a week after finding out about her (or him I don't know). It was April 17 on my mom's birthday on a Sunday. I went to her house to tell her what happened then went home. The doctor said miscarriage was very common and there was no reason to think I wouldn't be pregnant again soon. Month after month after month after year after year after year it has not happened. Six Mothers Days have gone by. Our dog died a few years ago, our new dog is a year and a half. My friend's son is 6 now. We did get a bigger car, had it for 3 years, the lease ended and we've got another one. We've celebrated 13 years of marriage this year.
hi there! wow. yeah. it is crazy how our perspective on time and events are significantly changed with infertility. i'm only at about three years into the journey and i don't know how i've survived but somehow i have. thankfully. yet i can't imagine counting more years without children, tho realistically i might have to. will be praying for you as you start your ivf and pop your first (weirdly enough) birth control pill.
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