People who know me know that I believe in Jesus and worship the Lord. Recently my mom was telling me that some of her friends who aren't believers have been asking her about why if I worship God and believe in Him and pray for this to work, why isn't it? They are basically trying to say God isn't real or isn't helping me.
It has been hard each time I have prayed for my little embryos to live and grow and they have not. It's more than hard actually, it's devastating to lose them and to feel like God could have helped them to live but did not. I really don't understand, but very painful and difficult things happen all the time to all kinds of people even those that worship the Lord and pray for his help.
Even though each time in my pain and grief I have questioned my faith and felt like I had none left, at the same time I have also felt His comfort and love close to me. I'm not sure what he's doing in this area of my life but I do still believe that he loves me and he is with me and he is good.
It is however scary to think about doing this again. I know when I see my next two embryos I will pray for them to grow and live inside of me. How can I not? They are a miraculous product of my husband and I, they are our children.
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