Well this past year of doing these treatments has been so much harder than I ever would have thought. The loss of IVF embryos is so painful it actually feels the same as the miscarriage I had. No one else in my life my get it but to me losing those little ones hurts as much whether they implant or not. When I see them on screen, I know they have all their DNA, their gender, they are alive, and they have already been growing each day. Each day they are inside of me I hope for them, and pray for them, and wonder what they will grow up to be. With our loss at 7 weeks the doctor called it a miscarriage, people said "sorry for your loss", When one of our embryos implanted in October and we got a brief positive, the doctor called a chemical pregnancy, when we lost 2 embryos in January that never implanted at all the doctor called a failed IVF. All the experiences felt exactly the same to me. I actually knew about our IVF embryos being there inside me for longer than I knew about the baby we lost at 7 weeks...that one I only knew about for 1 week.
The grief and sadness of all of these losses was the same but I never felt like I could talk about it to anyone. Then a few weeks ago I was online connecting with other womne who have been through the same thing and we were talking about the loss of IVF embryos and other pregnancy losses. They too felt the same as me and I felt better just knowing my feelings were normal. I still feel sad over the losses and I know it's ok. They were not just embryos, they were a miraculous product of my husband and I, they were our children and I wanted them to live.
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