Imagine NOT needing IVF...

I'm trying to wrap my head around doing another FET cycle...we want to but when I think about calling the clinic I can't quite do it yet. Then I started day dreaming about what it would be like to get pregnant without IVF. Imagine just being intimate with my husband and a few weeks later finding out I'm pregnant then 9 months later holding a baby in my arms. No cost, no needles, no drugs, no doctors, no pills, no IVs, no flights to the clinic, no bedrest in a hotel, no traveling alone. Then I think God must have some purpose in this journey and he'll give me the courage to do it again. If we end up with a baby in our arms it will all be worth it...maybe the possibility of that is enough to do it again.

IVF is tough to do repeatedly but then again it can bring precious lives into our families too so maybe it's a pretty good thing.

The Round 4 Saga

I just realized I haven't updated here for a long time. IVF cycle #4 which was our third embryo transfer happened in June/July 2011. I'll post more thoughs another time but basically we got a low positive which was worrisome, asked everyone to pray for a miracle then for a week or so the betas were tripling and we thought we'd gotten our miracle. THEN the betas got all wonky and the clinic kept saying they thought it wasn't a viable pregnancy. Many people continued to pray and eventually the ultrasound showed no pregnancy in my uterus but rising beta hcg so the babies were growing but we weren't sure where. It was a "pregnancy of unknow location". I prayed for God to end it naturally and my worst fear happened...I had to take methotrexate to end the pregnancy. It was a horrifying end to a much wanted pregnancy.

Then came the aftermath of grief, sadness, and depression that made life feel unbearable.

The last couple of weeks I've started to feel a bit better...there's lots of holes to fill in this story. I'll have to get on that.